Marriage is a beautiful thing when the necessary factors are put into consideration before tying the knot with your partner. Everybody craves to be happily married to their soulmates, but most marriages end up with pain and regrets simply because only a few people are able to consider all these points discussed below. You may probably be in a very lovely relationship with your partner, but that doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage. Following this guide carefully would put you in the right condition for a successful marriage.
8 Important Questions To Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married
These 8 crucial questions are applicable to both men and women who want to experience a successful married life with their partners. Please, ensure to ask each of these questions at a favorable time with your partner. If you ask the questions at the wrong time, you may get the wrong result. Again, endeavor to get understand their answers, and rationally consider the implications without sentiment or bias.
1. Is there anything you would want me to change?
This seems to be a simple question, but it’s not simple in this context. You must understand that no matter the level of love your partner has for you, there must be something they want you to change. It’s very normal, but it’s abnormal only when your partner keeps it to themselves. When your partner keeps such an idea in mind and not let you know about them, it’s very important to ask them “What change do you look up for in me”? It doesn’t end there, if there is any change you desire, ensure to have it effected before getting married.
A Practical Scenario
Here is a practical scenario of such an encounter with an interesting story. Miss Jessica got into a relationship with Bosco for up to years before they finally got married. It was all bliss at first, but there was an ugly turnaround in a short time after given birth to 2 girls. It happened that Bosco has been a chain smoker since his early days at the University. Although, Jessy knew about it and tried to stop him, but at the same time she was carried away by love. On the other hand, Bosco wasn’t willing to quit smoking.
So, after giving birth for the second time, Bosco was not just embittered about the female gender his wife always put to bed, but he became aggressive because of the bad condition of his health, due to too much smoking as alerted by the doctor after a check-up. At that time, Jessica was still performing her functions as a good wife and a caring mother. As time continued, she was heavily troubled because of the situation. Again, Bosco started blaming her for not conditioning her to change before their marriage. The worst of it all, Jessy moved motion for a divorce and they parted with heavy pain in their heart.
From the above scenario, if they have asked each other what change they anticipate, Jessy would have indicated the issue of smoking and would refuse to marry if nothing positive is done about it.
Now, this could be anybody else, it could also be a different scenario. It’s very simple to take care of if you firmly ask and answer your partners the change they anticipate, and if they are serious, no marriage should hold until something is done.
When a marriage falls apart, you hear things like ”I noticed they do things this way but I expected them to change” or ” I thought marriage and kids will change them” let them know that someone does not magically become a different person with the passage of time or because of marriage and kids. Most people change only because they choose to. If your partner says he expects you to change a particular character trait, that is a decision for you to make.
2. Ask them their Genotype
A Genotype is an organism’s set of heritable genes that are passed down from parents to offspring. This is responsible for determining how your offspring will look like. It’s highly recommended to ask your partner their genotype before getting married. This is how it works. There are major types of genotype including AA, AS, SS, and a few others. Every child picks one from the mother and one from the father.
This entails that if you are AA, and your partner is AS, then your child can pick A from you and A or S from your partner, thus the child would either be AA or AS. But, if you are AS and your partner is AS, the child could choose S from you and SS from your partner, and so the child becomes SS which is referred to as sickle cell Anemia.
In this case, the child has the tendency of suffering from terrible sickness in his/her early twenties, and would probably die. At this time, the parents are put to pain and regret if they are not prepared for it. If you must marry as AS and AS, you are recommended to check the five things to consider below as you continue to read.
An Ugly Scenario
Willie and MaryAnn were deeply in love with each other and have vowed not to separate. It was all enjoyable even after they found out that they are both AS as regards to their Genotype. The true love they had for each other made them marry given the condition and the uncertain good health of their unborn children. It happened that the second boy they had was tested SS and this became a tremendous moment for them. At first, they wanted to get rid of the baby, not until they reassured themselves of how they vowed to take every situation that comes up. As usual, the baby suffers terribly until Ann decided to start afresh with her life, leaving Willie with the children.
Now, it doesn’t end in asking them about their genotype, it is also pertinent to ensure that if you are not compatible with them, you can discuss with him for a better solution at hand. However, you can go ahead and marry each other if you know you can do the following:
How to Marry, AS & AS Genotype
If you must marry, you should consider the following:
- Don’t give birth to more than 2 children as the third, and the rest may be AS.
- In the case of being careful, don’t give birth. You can either get a donor for the insemination.
- In the case of desiring to give birth, ensure to have enough capital to run around if such a situation occurs.
- Ensure to be reserved and temperate as such condition, if valid, could make any of you change within a few time.
- The best among all is to adopt children.
3. What should I do when you are stressed or very angry?
This is an important one. Now, it’s very pertinent to understand what to do when your partner is feeling down or deeply angry. Everybody would practically react in different ways when they are angry. It’s in the nature of man psychologically, biologically, logically, and otherwise. It is probably manageable if you are in a relationship, but if you are considering getting married, it’s important to understand this as it will save you a lot of ugly experiences in the future. See the story below.
A Scenario Demonstrating this Point
It was a routine for Juliana to satirically pick offense and shout at David whenever he is silent or unable to eat or cheer up. Yes, they have been married for 2 years but it seems some characters were hidden from each other waiting for the best time to explode. Juliana shouldn’t be blamed because she knew nothing about David’s hot temper and the fact that he desires to be alone when he experience a bad time either at work or home.
On that faithful day, he was indefinitely suspended from the hotel he worked with and he came back home earlier than usual with the hope of staying away from everybody at that time. Her wife wasn’t happy with his mood and started displaying as usual. To cut everything short, Juliana was recovered from the hospital over the case of fainting. Since she was the one that told us her experience, we wouldn’t know what exactly Dave did to her, but the bottom line is that she didn’t study her man to the extent of understanding what to do whenever he is angry or facing hard challenges.
Now, it’s not all enough to ask what to do when your partner is down, but it is very important to get the truth from them, and most especially work with the provided information from them. If your partner desires a long talk, or some good advice, or some romance, or some empty space, or just any other thing, just follow it like that. If you can’t, you may consider looking for another partner that would be compatible with you.
4. How many Children do you want from us?
It’s very important to ask your partners how many children they want from you. This works great in assisting you to inquire how they will feel if you are unable to make them as they desire. Yes, nobody knows tomorrow or is sure of how what will happen, but a good clarity on this would go a long way to know their opinion and what they want. Again, ensure to know what their reaction would be if you are unable to make it to their expectation. If it’s a very serious one, then you may have to think again.
Most people considering marriage have talked about kids, how many they want, and even what school they would send them to. What people hardly talk about is the possibility of them struggling to conceive. People struggle with infertility every day and if you or your partner happen to have an issue, it would be an added advantage that you have had the discussion in advance and know exactly the step to take. This will be you facing a bad situation as a team instead of fighting over options.
It’s unfortunate for Lola as she mistakenly lost her womb during some series of abortions she did with her former boyfriend in high school. Her boyfriend persuaded her to undergo an abortion whenever she mistakenly conceive because they were still students. This ugly scenario made Lola to lose her womb without knowing it until she got married to Brian. Brain, on his side, didn’t know the nature of Lola’s womb but was convinced that she’s good because she’s very beautiful and looks innocent.
After some five years of marriage, there was no issue, or sign of any issue. Due to some heated arguments and blame, Brain suggested and insisted that they should go to the hospital to confirm what and where the problem is. At first, Lola was afraid because she didn’t inform her husband about the her negative lifestyle in the past.
The marriage started breaking after the result of their check-up. Lola has already claimed that she wasn’t aware of such a thing and suggested they go to another hospital to calm Brian down at that moment. At that time, there was nothing else Lola could do other than to say the truth. This led to hatred, unfaithfulness, regret, and at last, Brian got married to a second wife, Chioma, and this kept Lola in a terrible condition that seems to be eternal.
Now, this could happen in a very different way. But, if Lola had asked and knew what Brian’s reaction would be, she would have considered going for a man who would understand and consider marrying her under that condition.
5. What are the things you can’t change no matter the condition?
Everybody has one or more attitudes that they can hardly change no matter the condition. Most of these negative attitudes and lifestyles are more evident in men even though women have their own. They could include smoking, womanizing, unfaithfulness, laziness, and a lot more. Most times, they are negative attitudes that were formed as a habit from an early age, and thus would be hard to stop.
This question is very important to clarify the negative attitudes that they can’t be able to change. And when you discover these attitudes, you then have a rethink and consider if they are compatible for you. It’s also necessary to share your own negative attitudes to them, and if they are comfortable with that, then it’s about a go-ahead indication.
A Practical Scenario
Felix and his wife got married a few years ago. Everything was normal except the fact that Felix has an unapologetic tendency of cheating with other ladies. Joyce had noticed long ago when they were colleagues. In fact, they got into the relationship after Felix cheated on his former girlfriend with her. So, it wasn’t a new thing.
Joyce thought he would change if they get married without confirming if it is an attitude that that is changeable. Of course, he showed interest in changing after their marriage, but cheating runs in his vein. And, when it went out of hand, Felix was infected with a dangerous sexually transmitted diseases on one of his encounter with Sandra, her side chick. Unfortunately, he shared the disease with Joyce, and this brought pain, regrets, and unending sadness to Joyce.
Now, it is not enough to know about the unchangeable attitudes or lifestyles, it is essential to consider the implications and decide if they are compatible with you. Again, everyone has deal-breakers and non-negotiables, the worst time to learn about your partner’s non-negotiables is after marriage. This is like crossing a highway with your eyes closed, you have no idea what you are getting yourself into. Knowing your partner’s deal-breakers before getting married will help to drastically reduce fights and unnecessary annoyance.
6. What does marriage mean to you?
This is a very deep question, and it’s not meant for kids or adults with a little brain. This is the time to understand the Intelligence quotient of your partner. Everybody has a different way of reacting to this question. But, the reaction from your partners would go a long way to indicate if they want the same thing you want. Practically, the essence of marriage should be seen clearly many years after. The early years may be beclouded with enjoyment and love.
However, if their answers are related and in line with your own notion of marriage, then it’s a go-ahead indication. But, if their ideas about marriage differ from yours, then it’s a high time you thought of parting. Recall that this exercise would assure or reassure you of what you want to get into. Again, if you have the same ambition and purpose of marriage, then you would have a successful marriage.
A True-Life Scenario
A Love story, Kisser and the Kissee. Click and Enjoy!
7. What are your Career Ambitions?
It’s extremely recommended to inquire about your partner’s career ambition before getting married to them. This is a way to ensure that the person you are about to marry has strategic and feasible plans as regards reasonable career ambitions that will guarantee a successful marriage.
If you consider the career ambition of you and your partner, and the viability, it will give you enough hint about the potential state of the marriage. Again, if you desire to have a very comfortable marriage, then it is very important to consider having a partner who has enough reliable career ambitions.
You might decide to get into marriage thinking your partner is working to be more than he/she is right now. Or you could get into marriage thinking they do not intend to push themselves higher. Only for you to realize otherwise after the marriage and feel bad about it. inquire about their ambitions and goals. Know what they have planned careerwise for the future and decide if you can fit into their plans or not.
It doesn’t end there! It is necessary to consider your own career ambition and ensure that your partner would be comfortable with them. Again, if your career requires being away for quite a reasonable time, then it is important to discuss that with your partner, such as bankers, doctors, nurses, mariners, among others.
8. What do you think about House Chores?
House chores is always an issue if it is not properly taken care of. This seems to be ridiculous but domestic house chores have caused a whole lot of divorce all over the world especially among westerners. It’s very important to ask and understand your partner’s view about domestic house chores and compare it with your opinion and stance.
Thanks for reading.